All too often we allow our identity to be wrapped up in our appearance, and others' perception of how we look, which can actually guide choices in our lives that should rather be decided through critical and rational thinking. We’ve all heard the phrase “don’t judge a book by its cover,” and most people know that it’s not the image of a person, but what’s on the inside that really counts, yet the exterior picture clearly plays a huge role in our choices and how we relate to one another. Both “High School’s Secret Life” by Emily White and “Masks” by Lucy Grealy illustrate how attitudes and relationships are affected by appearance, as well as appearance being altered due to the influence of others. Along with this consistency, there are also fundamental differences between the tribes described by White in contrast and the unfortunate circumstances of Grealy‘s childhood. The specifics of the choices available, or not available, in either situation are somewhat different, although can result in similar outcomes.
“High School’s Secret Life” shows us how extreme this issue is within the teen culture of today. The various tribes are visually separated as displayed in White’s statement: “Their conformity is remarkable; in hair cuts, necklaces, the way they slouch, the way they use their voices. They all imitate one another because the imitation speaks of their power.” (18). Here we can see that the choices being made are not based on individual personalities, values, likes or dislikes, but rather on what is labeled as socially “good” within the group. When this occurs, it’s reasonable to conclude that the teen may then adopt their position on the high school food chain as a part of who they are, unless a direct effort is put forth to separate image from true inner identity. Those who choose not to go with the flow, so to speak, are often treated as outcasts. One of our own here in English 101 who did not conform to the crowd, but rather clung to the values of her upbringing added this discussion board post, which speaks volumes: “Sure, it would have been nice to be included in a few activities, to be considered “normal.” Was it worth giving up my beliefs for this feeling of belonging? It was not, in my opinion.” (Schmitt). Taking in ideas and styles from others can and should incite growth, if discernment between the positives and negatives is applied. However, one cannot be true to self when simply taking on a one-size-fits-all image in order to fit in.
“Masks” presents the altogether different scenario where Grealy is not at all in control of her abnormal appearance resulting from a surgery in which nearly half of her jaw was removed in an attempt to eradicate her cancer. She is forced to, on top of dealing with physical trauma, attempt to combat the teasing and ridicule of her peers, specifically the boys, at the sight of her disfigurement. Even her mother, although seemingly well meaning, managed to bring up in Grealy’s heart a sense of shame by suggesting that her daughter cover up and hide her scar under a turtleneck to accommodate the people around her. More than likely, her mother was trying to ease the pain of the teasing and awkward questions in any way she could, possibly even feeling guilt that she could not fully protect her child from the harsh cruelty that the unforeseeable circumstances had brought forth. Yet a 9 year old hardly has the capacity to discern between her own emotional reaction and the reality of her mother’s intentions. Being severely set apart from the crowd, Grealy grapples with how to cope, articulating that her “… initial tactic was to pretend I didn’t hear them, but this only seemed to spur them on.” (45). Later she chooses to eat her lunch everyday in the office of her guidance counselor. This choice came as a direct result of the negative opinion of her peers in regard to her appearance. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not judging her or saying I would have done things differently. As a matter of fact, with as sensitive as I can be I probably would have left the battlefield known as the lunchroom far earlier. But her decision certainly illustrates how the boys who mocked her placed their value of her solely in her visual identity, while never even bothering to know anything more about her.
This leads me to question the motive of these boys who incessantly teased her. Not only did they define who Grealy was through her appearance, but also abandoned what they surely knew as right and wrong in order to gain the “respect” of one another by putting her down. Compassion for her plight was absent, only selfish ambition to gain popularity remained, and it was in the cafeteria when the greatest number of their peers was present that they chose to initiate their attack. This is congruent with White’s observation: “The cafeteria is the place where forms of human sacrifice occur, the merciless rituals of cruelty on which the kids thrive.” (15). As we have seen, survival of the fittest does not allow for empathy or self-sacrifice, but rather encourages outright viciousness and employing humanity can come at the cost of then becoming a victim as well.
Having established the pitfalls of linking identity too closely with the exterior image, let’s take a look at how the various people within each story have navigated around this common issue. White refers to an obese girl who “valiantly ignores the snickers of the boys across the aisle from her as she eats...” (16), the girl who’s stuck, without her usual friends, in the wrong lunch slot and “…hovers somewhere on the edge of a tribe; she’s not a complete outcast but she isn’t popular either…” (16), and the gang of rowdy boys who “…possess a screaming, ballistic life drive and although they seem to differ in matters of style, their formidable restlessness—their energy of trouble—holds them together.” (18). Here we can see various forms of dealing with diversities; the overweight girl ignores the negative attention, the displaced girl does her best to fit in, and the group of boys channel their energy in a unified, yet counterproductive, force. Grealy shares with us how she embraced the one time per year that she was able to be normal —Halloween. She illustrates her liberation by stating “I walked down the streets suddenly bold and free: No one could see my face.” (46). Everyone mentioned in the essays in question had to make choices and had to find either an outlet, a group to belong to or a way to cope with not belonging. In the end, though, every choice has it’s pros and cons, and the feel that resonates through both pieces of writing is that under a microscope no one is perfect, and no amount of ease that is brought forth from conformity or stripes brought forth from fighting the system, changes that. So if we can compensate for the hardship of making our way through this world with finding a comfortable niche where we can relax, yet not completely lose the diverse, beautiful person that we’ve been made to be, then we can come out ahead. Embracing an extreme in either direction, whether it be stifling our own character to please the crowd or rejecting anything or anyone who could possibly recognize our vulnerability, ultimately ends in defeating our unique personality. Balance is the key that will allow us to live in harmony with those around us, while retaining our true identity.
“High School’s Secret Life” shows us how extreme this issue is within the teen culture of today. The various tribes are visually separated as displayed in White’s statement: “Their conformity is remarkable; in hair cuts, necklaces, the way they slouch, the way they use their voices. They all imitate one another because the imitation speaks of their power.” (18). Here we can see that the choices being made are not based on individual personalities, values, likes or dislikes, but rather on what is labeled as socially “good” within the group. When this occurs, it’s reasonable to conclude that the teen may then adopt their position on the high school food chain as a part of who they are, unless a direct effort is put forth to separate image from true inner identity. Those who choose not to go with the flow, so to speak, are often treated as outcasts. One of our own here in English 101 who did not conform to the crowd, but rather clung to the values of her upbringing added this discussion board post, which speaks volumes: “Sure, it would have been nice to be included in a few activities, to be considered “normal.” Was it worth giving up my beliefs for this feeling of belonging? It was not, in my opinion.” (Schmitt). Taking in ideas and styles from others can and should incite growth, if discernment between the positives and negatives is applied. However, one cannot be true to self when simply taking on a one-size-fits-all image in order to fit in.
“Masks” presents the altogether different scenario where Grealy is not at all in control of her abnormal appearance resulting from a surgery in which nearly half of her jaw was removed in an attempt to eradicate her cancer. She is forced to, on top of dealing with physical trauma, attempt to combat the teasing and ridicule of her peers, specifically the boys, at the sight of her disfigurement. Even her mother, although seemingly well meaning, managed to bring up in Grealy’s heart a sense of shame by suggesting that her daughter cover up and hide her scar under a turtleneck to accommodate the people around her. More than likely, her mother was trying to ease the pain of the teasing and awkward questions in any way she could, possibly even feeling guilt that she could not fully protect her child from the harsh cruelty that the unforeseeable circumstances had brought forth. Yet a 9 year old hardly has the capacity to discern between her own emotional reaction and the reality of her mother’s intentions. Being severely set apart from the crowd, Grealy grapples with how to cope, articulating that her “… initial tactic was to pretend I didn’t hear them, but this only seemed to spur them on.” (45). Later she chooses to eat her lunch everyday in the office of her guidance counselor. This choice came as a direct result of the negative opinion of her peers in regard to her appearance. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not judging her or saying I would have done things differently. As a matter of fact, with as sensitive as I can be I probably would have left the battlefield known as the lunchroom far earlier. But her decision certainly illustrates how the boys who mocked her placed their value of her solely in her visual identity, while never even bothering to know anything more about her.
This leads me to question the motive of these boys who incessantly teased her. Not only did they define who Grealy was through her appearance, but also abandoned what they surely knew as right and wrong in order to gain the “respect” of one another by putting her down. Compassion for her plight was absent, only selfish ambition to gain popularity remained, and it was in the cafeteria when the greatest number of their peers was present that they chose to initiate their attack. This is congruent with White’s observation: “The cafeteria is the place where forms of human sacrifice occur, the merciless rituals of cruelty on which the kids thrive.” (15). As we have seen, survival of the fittest does not allow for empathy or self-sacrifice, but rather encourages outright viciousness and employing humanity can come at the cost of then becoming a victim as well.
Having established the pitfalls of linking identity too closely with the exterior image, let’s take a look at how the various people within each story have navigated around this common issue. White refers to an obese girl who “valiantly ignores the snickers of the boys across the aisle from her as she eats...” (16), the girl who’s stuck, without her usual friends, in the wrong lunch slot and “…hovers somewhere on the edge of a tribe; she’s not a complete outcast but she isn’t popular either…” (16), and the gang of rowdy boys who “…possess a screaming, ballistic life drive and although they seem to differ in matters of style, their formidable restlessness—their energy of trouble—holds them together.” (18). Here we can see various forms of dealing with diversities; the overweight girl ignores the negative attention, the displaced girl does her best to fit in, and the group of boys channel their energy in a unified, yet counterproductive, force. Grealy shares with us how she embraced the one time per year that she was able to be normal —Halloween. She illustrates her liberation by stating “I walked down the streets suddenly bold and free: No one could see my face.” (46). Everyone mentioned in the essays in question had to make choices and had to find either an outlet, a group to belong to or a way to cope with not belonging. In the end, though, every choice has it’s pros and cons, and the feel that resonates through both pieces of writing is that under a microscope no one is perfect, and no amount of ease that is brought forth from conformity or stripes brought forth from fighting the system, changes that. So if we can compensate for the hardship of making our way through this world with finding a comfortable niche where we can relax, yet not completely lose the diverse, beautiful person that we’ve been made to be, then we can come out ahead. Embracing an extreme in either direction, whether it be stifling our own character to please the crowd or rejecting anything or anyone who could possibly recognize our vulnerability, ultimately ends in defeating our unique personality. Balance is the key that will allow us to live in harmony with those around us, while retaining our true identity.
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